I think for an initial styling you've eliminated a lot of the unwanted stuff. I don't know if it would be improved, but I tend to initially try to find the loan-trunked informal upright in most trees. If you got rid of the two left trunks (from the 1st after picture) leaving something of one or both to jin, and added a little movement to the remaining trunk you might have an impressive tree. There might also be a much smaller semi-cascade using that right branch, w/ a good tilt of the trunk.
That said, I don't really like the left cascade-wannabe trunk, but I'm not sure I'd remove it now. I'll take a wait-and-see-where-you're-headed approach on this one. Keep us updated.
<edit>I'm an idiot. I should've said lone-trunked. Excuse my error.</edit>